Pain, Pain...Feelin' Pain!!

I don't know what I did yesterday, but I have been in pain today!! Whatever I did has made my Fibromyalgia and my RA go crazy!! I can honestly say I don't remember ever being in this much pain. I am going to take it easy and hope that this flare up calms down soon!!

On a better note, Scott and I went on a date yesterday to see the movie Invictus. It was INCREDIBLE!! I know it was very touching for Scott and very reminiscent of the time he lived in South Africa. So I wouldn't give into movie munchies I took some apple slices, some raw green beans (I love them raw!!), and some water. It helped me get in more fruits and veggies and I didn't feel deprived while others around me were munching. I will definitely do this again. Thanks Ali for setting the example by taking in some healthy snacks.

Rewards

I have been trying to figure out how and when to reward myself and I haven't figured out the best way. I don't want to reward for weight loss because this about more than a number on the scale. Do I reward for days exercised or good food days? Any ideas??

Calling All Cheerleaders!!

If you are reading this, I am talking to you!! Yes you! I don't care if you are a casual reader or if you check my blog daily, I need your help. I would love to hear what you have to say...about anything. I would love your words of support, suggestions, or your own weight loss story!! Better yet, why don't you start your own 100 Day Heart Challenge!! Start out by get moving!! What are you doing for exercise? What do you love to do to get your heart rate up? Whatever you do, don't be a silent blog stalker. Give me a shout!!

Feelin' the BURN!!

Wow, am I feeling the burn!! Our workout with Catherine tonight was AWESOME!! I love having her there to maximize my workout and teaching me new things. I know I would be overwhelmed if I was doing this on my own. Honestly, I probably wouldn't be doing it. The thought of walking into a gym, any gym, as an overweight person is discouraging. But having the tools, knowledge, and support makes all the difference in the world!! Catherine is a great motivator and teacher. Every session I look forward to working out-something I never did before. I love working out with my mom and the chance we have to support each other and laugh. I am grateful that when the challenge is over I will have the tools to keep myself on the pathway to a healthier heart :-)

The POWER of Food!!

Do you ever wonder how or why food is so powerful?? We use it to celebrate any number of things-weddings, babies, birthdays, graduations, awards, promotions and the list goes on and on. We also use it comfort us-breakups, death, rejection, poor performance, failure, etc. Why do we think food is going to help us, when in fact all it really does is cause us harm. I know we need food to function, that isn't the food I'm referring too. When I'm down, I do not go looking for the celery and carrots to cheer me up :-) I'm taking about the fattening, sugary, chocolately goodness we think will cure all ills and make our celebrations better!!

You see, I was just faced with that very situation today. Someone I love dearly was faced with some discouraging news. In the long run, it probably is the best thing but it is still hard to feel rejected. In trying to find ways to comfort or encourage this person, the first thing that came to my mind was FOOD!!!! I literally thought, maybe I should suggest going out for dinner to help lift our spirits. What am I thinking?? Going out to eat isn't going to make anything better!! What do we think food is going to do, make a teacher change a grade from a C to an A, is it going to make that girl change her mind about going out with the guy at work, or is it going to the boss change his mind on who to hire?? I think that is the biggest key I am faced with in this challenge, changing my relationship with food and taking back the power I give it in my life. Now that doesn't mean I'm never going to celebrate. I'm going to allow myself to eat birthday cake, but just one piece and not at every person's birthday. (I guess that means no cake to celebrate my dog's birthday on Saturday!!) The secret for me is to find the balance, variety, and moderation that is ideal for my health and happiness.

I Have a Great Idea!

That is something I hear from my kids several times a day!! Honestly, they do have some great ideas :) Well, I think I have come up with a great idea. I think we should all get together for a potluck dinner. It would give us a chance to give each other support and encouragement and introduce each other to new, healthy recipes.

What do you think??

Rough Day

I know we are all going to have difficult days over the course of the 100 Days and today happened to be one of mine. First of all, I woke up not feeling very well. I have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia and the events of the past week have taken their toll on my body! I woke up this morning with aches and pains all over my body!! I was glad that I wasn't going to be exercising today and that I could give my body a rest. It was also discouraging to feel so bad. I know all this exercising and weight training is quite a shock to my body, but I was hoping that I wouldn't have to feel this much pain. I can only hope that resting today will help me feel better tomorrow, especially since we are meeting our personal trainer!

Another side effect of me not feeling well is I have eaten very well!! Since I haven't had much energy today I have just grabbed whatever is easiest rather than what is healthiest. Believe me, I am feeling it!! After a week of eating really well, the food I have eaten today has made me feel very sick to my stomach. I am so upset with myself!! I hope I haven't undone all the hard work I have done the past week. However, it has helped me see just how different I feel when I eat better and I have recommitted myself to eating better not just for the 100 Day Heart Challenge, but for the rest of my life!!

Fabulous Finds

Well, I have two wonderful products I have found that I love!! First I learned about the Orowheat Sandwich Thins. They are a great alternative to bread or buns. They are low calorie, high fiber and they make an AWESOME sandwich!! I have used it for a turkey sandwich with avocado and spinach and as a burger bun for my second new favorite product-Morning Star Farms Black Bean Burger. This burger is fantastic!! All it takes is 2 minutes in the microwave and you've got a high fiber, high protein meal!! It has a little spice to it, which I think is great. We ate it with avocado and I'm sure it would be delicious with a little salsa and fat free sour cream! Both of these products are available at Costco.

What fun foods are you finding??

Goodbye Hopelessness

You know that overwhelmed feeling you have when you start something new, when you aren't sure if you are doing it the right way?? That is what I have felt every time I have started a new diet. There is so much to remember! There is a long list of things I shouldn't eat, new exercises I haven't done before, equipment I don't have, food to weigh and measure. I usually get to the point of losing hope that I will be successful. I have gotten so tired of that feeling that I just stopped trying to lose weight. I couldn't take another diet failure to damage my self-esteem, that is what little I have left because of my weight!! With all that said, I was SHOCKED that I decided to sign up for the Heart Challenge. Private failure is one thing, failure for all of Utah County to see is a whole different story!! For whatever reason, I took the leap and applied and I am SO GLAD I DID!!!

For the first time in my life, I don't feel hopeless about losing weight!! I feel excited about the things I'm learning! It feels great being surrounded by people who want to help me be successful!! I love having someone to show me what exercises to do and what I'm doing wrong. I love the sense of accomplishment I get every time I eat healthy and exercise!! Most importantly, I am feeling good about myself!!

Thank you to all of you who are helping me change my life!!!

Yummy Black Bean Salsa recipe

If you need a new food idea, this is absolutely delicious!!

Ingredients:

2-15 oz cans of black beans, rinsed and drained

1-17 oz package frozen whole kernel corn, thawed

2 large tomatoes, seeded and diced

1 large avocado, peeled and diced

1 small onion, diced

i jalapeno, seeded and diced

1/8 to 1/4 cup copped fresh cilantro leaves

2 T lime juice

1 T red wine vinegar

salt and pepper

Directions:

Mic all ingredients thoroughly in a large bowl. Taste and add salt, pepper, or more lime juice as necessary. Eat immediately or cover and chill overnight for a stronger flavor. Serve with tortilla chips as an appetizer, or with grilled chicken as a meal.

Sabotage

With the start of the 100 Day challenge, I've been trying to look at my life and figure out what I do to sabotage myself and change my behavior to ensure a successful outcome.

In the past when I have 'been on a diet', I have made certain foods off limits. So what do I start to do, obsess about that particular item. Sometimes I can avoid giving in to the temptation, sometimes I try and find a replacement food and find satisfaction, or I eventually give in and eat the item. When I give in, I immediately feel guilty and feel like a failure! At the end of the day, I always commit to do better tomorrow. Does this vicious cycle sound familiar?? With the start of this program, I started reading the recommended book Intuitive Eating. I have been surprised at how much I am enjoying it. In fact, it is almost like a light bulb has turned on. The authors talk about how we can and should include all foods in our diet. When we don't make foods forbidden and instead listen to what our bodies want, we won't feel deprived and participate in binge eating. I decided to put this to the test and I have been pleased with the result. In the past, I have had to have chocolate every day. Not healthier dark chocolate, not sugar free chocolate, but the full fat yummy stuff. I knew I shouldn't eat it, but the temptation was too great! Well, this time I decided that I wasn't going to make any foods off limits-even chocolate-and see what sounded good to my body. I have been pleasantly surprised at how I have eaten and how I feel about myself. I have eaten very well and I don't feel deprived in any way. Instead I am enjoying wonderful, healthy food. I can honestly say I haven't craved chocolate or sugar!! I know there will be days that I struggle, but I'm not going to make myself feel guilty because nothing is off limits.

Another way I sabotage myself with food has to do with the timing of my meals. Some days I get so busy with my 2- 3 year old toddlers that I don't eat regular meals. Many days I skip lunch because I am so caught up in other things that I don't take the time to make myself lunch. I always think I will grab something when AJ goes down for his nap, but what I usually do is grazing all afternoon until dinner. Then, a few hours after dinner I am hungry so once again I start the snacking. It has been especially bad the past several months as I have been dealing with some intense stress. It has been discouraging to see the extra weight come on. How do I stop this evil habit?? I need to find a way to work structured meals into my day.

I also find myself sabotaging my sleep habits. When we finally get the kids in bed at night, I just want to relax and spend time with my husband. Inevitably every night we stay up way too late. I always have the best of intentions to get up early and exercise, but I am always way too tired. I always rationalize staying up late with any number of excuses. What I really need to do is to make a greater effort to go to bed early and get the rest I need.

I know there are more ways I sabotage myself, but these three are the ones I am going to work on right now. When I get them under better control, then I will move on to the others to continue improving my life and health!!

Why the 100 Day Challenge??

So, some of you may be wondering why I signed up to do this challenge. It isn't like me to do something so public about something so private...my weight!! It will not be easy sharing my struggles and my weaknesses with people, some who are perfect strangers, but I'm going to jump right in and embrace the process of sharing my journey.

When I saw the ad for the Heart Challenge in the paper I was very intrigued. I have struggled with my weight for many years and have been unsuccessful in getting my body to a healthy weight. I figured I didn't have anything to lose by applying and I never anticipated being chosen. Imagine my surprise when Janet called to give me the GREAT news!! I'm going to give this challenge 100% because I want to change my life.

Here are just a few reasons why I entered the challenge:

1. I love my family! I have the world's greatest husband who is my #1 cheerleader in everything I do. I have two wonderful children who are an incredible blessing in my life. I am blessed with parents, siblings, in-laws and close friends that I want to spend many more fulfilling years with!!

2. My two toddlers are VERY energetic!! I want to be able to keep up with them and enjoy adventures. When we adopted Julia & AJ, we promised their birth mothers we would give them the best life we could. To me that means a mother who can keep up with them and live a long, happy, loving life with them!! I want to be an example of an active, healthy lifestyle!

3. I want to lose weight and see if it will reverse the infertility that has plagued me. I love my two children dearly, but I still feel that I have missed out on what it feels like to be pregnant and some of the amazing experiences of childbirth. I know people will say, "Be glad you don't have the stretch marks" or "Prepare yourself for being uncomfortable for 9 months". I know they mean well, but it is so much more than that!!

4. For those of you who really know me, you know that I LOVE clothes...I mean LOVE clothes!! Well, when you are a plus size girl, your options for attractive clothing are very limited-believe me, I have searched high and low for the most fashionable clothes. I want to be able to walk into any store, or even just Eddie Bauer, and buy whatever I want off the rack! I don't want to have to order it on the Internet or go to a specialty store (aka, the Fat Lady Store). I know, it's vain!!

5. I'm the heaviest I have ever been and I hate it! It makes me feel terrible about myself and I hate feeling this way. I want to look in the mirror and be proud of who I am on the outside and the inside. I try to tell myself that I don't care what people think, but that's a lie. I do care and I don't want people to think poorly of me.

6. Since I have gained so much weight, I have given up some things that I enjoy. I want to go back to one of my favorite places, Cedar Point, and spend days riding roller coasters until my heart's content!! I want to ride a zip line and not worry if I weigh too much. I want to fit comfortably in an airplane seat.

7. I want to find the real me that is hiding in her somewhere!!

I'm sorry if I am being too personal, but this is what I hope to achieve. I ask you-my family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, even perfect strangers to give me and my fellow contestants your encouragement and support. Without you, success will be impossible!!

Welcome to my Journey!!

For those of you who don't know, my mother and I have been chosen to participate in the 100 Day Heart Challenge. It is a competition made up of 10 teams of 2. From February 12 to May 22 we are going to work our hardest to be the team to make the biggest improvement in our heart health. We are being given many tools to help us be successful-a gym membership, a personal trainer twice a week, weekly nutrition classes, and as much support and encouragement as we need!! Please follow along my journey as well as the others participating in the program. We hope to inspire you to improve your heart health too!!